Self Esteem...

 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book  before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts,God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you."
 ~Psalms 139: 13-18

This verse is very dear to my heart and recently has taking on a whole new meaning to me with the birth of my daughter.

I have always struggled with low self esteem; never feeling pretty enough, smart enough, or good enough at anything! It wasn't until one day I was reading this verse (which I had read a hundred times before) when the Lord opened up my eyes and heart to the awesome truth that are in the verses above. That the Lord himself, knit me together, he created ever part of me. All that I am, my looks, my talents, my personality, etc were all created by Him and is wonderful! 

Its sad that I didn't accept these truths until I was in my twenties. I think if I was to believe that I am" fearfully and wonderfully made." earlier in life, my teenage years may have been much different. I spent alot of time feeling bad about myself, lacked confidence, and allowed the way I felt about myself to keep me from doing many things that I otherwise would of enjoyed doing.

I know that many teens, girls inparticular struggle with low self esteem, and I wish I could just convey to them all how precious they are, how beautiful, and wonderful. That God Himself created them and that they are perfect! Now that I have a daughter of my own I want to do that even more!

I never want Ellyana to feel about herself the way that I did growing up. I want her to know she is beautiful, smart, talented..etc. But how do I do that?? Its so hard in a world that puts so much emphasis on looks; if you don't fit into what the world says is beautiful, then you feel ugly. If you don't measure up to what the world says is successful, then you feel like a failure.

I don't want my daughter to base who she is on her looks, but at the same time I want her to feel beautiful. I want to her to be humble and kind, but also to have the confidence to go out and do whatever she puts her mind to do.  I want her to reach for the sky, but don't want her to feel like a failure if she becomes "just" a teacher, or "just" a mother. ( I think these jobs are anything but "just". I'm talking about how the world views these career choices)

How do I cultivated a child to be a women with these characteristics that seem to be so contradictory?

I read the verses above to Ellyana over and over, I want them to become real to hear at an early age. I tell her shes beautiful all the time,and I pray these hopes I have for her over her every night. I find myself very sensitive when anyone makes a comment about her such as "aww too bad she didn't get your eyes" or "uh oh looks like shes going to have crazy, curly hair". It was comments like these that people made about me growing up that left me with alot of the self image issues that I struggled with. People don't realize just how words stick with people, especially children. So when people say things like that around my daughter I am quick to snap at them. I know they mean no harm, but I want only positive comments said around my daughter about her looks. Weather she has the kinky curly hair or the "good" hair as my husbands family calls it. I don't ever want her to hear that she doesn't have the "good" hair, or that it was too bad she got her dads kinky curly hair. I know that its impossible for me to protect her from all the things that may lead her to question her own self worth. My hope is that I will be able to instill in her the truth of the verse of Psalms 139 so that when those times come she will be able to grab a hold of those truths and rise above!

I still struggle with my own self esteem from time to time and when I do I just read those verses again and again to myself till I start to believe them again! I hope that if anyone who is reading this feels the same way that you will take the time to read and meditate over those verses till the truth becomes ingrained in your heart as well.

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important.”
                        ― Kathryn Stockett, The Help